I was asked to preach a sermon on the fear of not being good enough, tying it to Mary's story in Luke. God showed up when I picked up my pen, and this is what we came up with.
Good morning! Some of you have heard me
preach before, and some of you have heard me say that when the pastors ask me
to preach a sermon, it’s always on a topic that God knows I need to learn a
whole lot about. Well, today’s sermon is called, “Be Not Afraid: The Fear of
Not Being Good Enough.” And God knew full well that I needed to work on this all week as I wrote it and practiced in my kitchen…so I just want to start off saying we are in this
together today, guys. So before we begin, will you pray with me?
Good morning, Lord. Thank you for bringing us together
this morning to learn about how you view us and who we really are because of
you, and thank you for never giving up on helping us learn and grow. Open our
hearts and minds to hear exactly what you what you are saying to us today. In
Christ’s name, Amen.
So, we all know that it’s common to hear that Americans
are becoming more and more afraid. Despite millions of advances that can
improve our lives and statistics that show that our country is actually getting
safer, I don’t doubt at all that fear is on the rise. I can feel it. Some people
blame this change on the bad news that we hear and see in the media; others
blame the new ways social media messes with our brains and with our hearts.
Whatever the reasons, though, lots of people say that our culture is becoming
more and more afraid.
Researchers have asked Americans what they fear the most,
and many of the top things are external events that could possibly happen: war,
corruption, pollution, losing a loved one. All of these things could happen to
someone. But when they asked about what people fear in themselves, people
talked about their fear of the unknown, and of not measuring up, of being
inadequate, of not being good enough.
As a high
school math teacher, I talk about this with my students all the time. We talk
about it most in AP Calculus. In that class, I have students who tell me they
worry about their grades so much that they stay up all night studying. They
come to me, terrified of what will happen if they get that test back with a
grade on it that will drop their grade in our class, which will then drop their
GPA, which means they won’t be able to get into the college of their dreams, and
then they will surely never get the best job that they find both fulfilling and
financially stable – surely, their whole life will be ruined. All because they
weren’t good enough that one day in AP Calculus. At that moment, it feels like
everything hinges on that one test grade. And they just keep working harder and
harder, trying to be good enough.
But my high school students are not
the only people who struggle with this, right? Not that long ago, I learned
about an experience called “imposter syndrome.” It’s
the feeling that deep down, we’re about to be exposed as a fraud, as someone
who doesn’t really belong here because we’re not good enough. When I first
heard about it, I was so surprised – there was a name for the feeling I’d had
during my first year as department chair, when I thought no one believed I
should be sitting in that seat during the meetings. There was a name for the
feeling of fear that someone is going to realize I have no theological
background and no formal public speaking training, but they still let me stand
up here and talk to you. Because you see, I was a kid who thought my life would
hinge on that one grade in school, and there are many days now when I’m an
adult who worries that I’m not good enough.
The more I
talk about this topic with other people, though, the more I realize I am not
alone. After I found out I’d be preaching this sermon, I told a lot of people
about the title, and so many of them said, “Mmmhhhm. Send that one my way when
you’re done.” There are highly successful people
all around us, people who have achieved incredible things in life, who
outwardly convey confidence and ease – and so many of these same people also
carry within themselves crippling self-doubt and intense fear of not being good
enough.
Not
good enough to run the meeting we were in charge of.
Not
good enough to get that job we really wanted.
Not
good enough for the promotion we worked so hard for.
Not
good enough for that relationship to last.
Not good enough for God to want us in His
story.
Not
good enough for God to love us.
Not
really good enough at all.
So, you may be thinking by now – Cindy, it’s Advent.
Aren’t we supposed to be talking about Christmasy things? Baby Jesus and
Bethlehem and shepherds and angels and Mary? Well, you are right – so today
we’re going to look at Mary’s role in the Christmas story to learn how we might
deal with this fear of not being good enough.
So before we go any further, let’s read
the story. Our scripture comes from Luke 1:26-38. (NIV)
In the
sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a
town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a
descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and
said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was
greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.
But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with
God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus.
He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will
give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s
descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
“How will
this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The
Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow
you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth
your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to
be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever
fail.”
“I
am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then
the angel left her.
We are
going to pick up her story again in a minute, but I want to pause right now and
point out a few things that might help us when we’re afraid that we’re not good
enough. I’m
going to be honest, though – this is a tricky lesson for us to tackle. We have
no proof that Mary felt the fear of not being good enough. None. Nothing in
that passage I just read said she felt that way. However – by the end of the
scripture we’re reading today, we will see very clearly that she definitely was
not struggling with feeling good enough. So I’m not going to talk about how
Mary dealt with the fear of not being good enough…but I am going to focus on
the parts of her story that can help us get to the same trust in God that she clearly
displays throughout her story.
So,
the first thing I want to point out is how the angel greeted Mary – right off
the bat, he says, “The Lord is with you.” Gabriel doesn’t say he’s there
because Mary met all of God’s requirements for being the mother of His son. He
just says God is already with her – before she had even heard of this crazy
idea of a baby, much less before she could agree to it. God doesn’t come to us
with a checklist of requirements that we have to meet before He calls us His
beloved. He was with Mary before He called her to this special adventure…and
God is with us before we realize it or acknowledge it, too. So God tells us we
don’t have to be afraid of being good enough for Him to love us or use us
because He is with us before we can do anything to be good enough.
Second,
Mary’s reaction to the angel makes me feel like we can be honest with God when
we’re feeling afraid. Like I mentioned earlier, we don’t know if Mary struggled
specifically with the fear of being good enough, but we do read here that she
was greatly troubled, so much so that the angel decided to tell her not to be
afraid. And then she asked a question – specifically, she asked about the very
mysterious biological component of it all. Sometimes we think we’re not good
enough because we’re afraid, because we’re confused, because our doubts
outweigh our faith, because we just can’t figure out how to believe that God is
in all of this – but these are all very human reactions and emotions. And while
God will help us grow and learn and have more faith and trust in Him the longer
we walk with Him, He understands that we’re going to feel this way from time to
time. Even Mary asked, “How will this be?” If she can ask that, we can bring questions
and fears to God, too. They don’t disqualify us from receiving God’s love or
from being a part of His story.
But
if we’re feeling that fear of not being good enough, how do we move past it?
How do we let go of the fear of not being good enough for God to love us and
use us in his story? Well, let’s look again at what Mary heard that helped her
say yes and jump into that role God called her to be in. When Mary asked “How will
this be…since I am a virgin?”, she was asking about her own role and
responsibilities in all of this. Maybe she wanted to know what she had to do to
make it happen. But the angel redirected her focus. He didn’t reply with
anything about her. Instead, he answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you,
and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.” It wasn’t up to her to get
the job done. It wasn’t up to her to be good enough to live out the role God
called her to. It was up to the Holy Spirit to make all these impossible things
happen – all Mary had to do was say yes. All she had to do was agree to go on
this adventure with God to change the world…and God promised to take care of
the rest.
And
that’s what God calls us to do, too. He doesn’t look at us and ask if we’re
good enough to live out the life He wants for us. He doesn’t ask if we’re good
enough to earn His love or tell others about Him wherever we are. God does ask
if we want to join him. And like Mary, we can say yes, regardless of whether or
not we feel like we can do what He’s calling us to. We don’t know what all went
through her mind and heart to help her say yes – but somehow, she decided to
trust God’s promises and say yes to God even when she didn’t have many details
about how it was all going to play out. It’s not like the angel was terribly
specific about the whole plan, right? And we don’t get a lot of details,
either. But God asks us to trust Him, trust that He is good and that He will be
with us the entire time.
There’s
one more part of Mary’s story that I want to look at today through the lens of
this fear of not being good enough. So here’s the setup – after the angel left
Mary, she went to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, and when she got there, she was
so joyful about God’s plan for her life that she broke out into song. Here’s
what she says in verses 46-55 (NIV):
And Mary said:
“My soul
glorifies the Lord
and
my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has been
mindful
of
the humble state of his servant.
From now on all
generations will call me blessed,
for
the Mighty One has done great things for me—
holy is his name.
His mercy
extends to those who fear him,
from generation to generation.
He has
performed mighty deeds with his arm;
he
has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.
He has brought
down rulers from their thrones
but
has lifted up the humble.
He has filled
the hungry with good things
but
has sent the rich away empty.
He has helped
his servant Israel,
remembering
to be merciful
to Abraham and
his descendants forever,
just
as he promised our ancestors.”
Reading Mary’s
song makes me think she’s no longer “greatly troubled” like she was when the
angel first arrived, and she’s not even asking questions about the logistics of
the plan anymore – instead, she’s focused solely on how awesome God is. She
praises God “for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.” She
says, “From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has
done great things for me.” That does not sound like a woman who’s worried that she’s
not good enough. So what is she holding onto to believe that she can live out
this incredible plan for God? Well, God. She’s holding onto God, not herself.
She doesn’t talk about what she’s done to be ready for this role. She doesn’t
talk about why she’s the best choice for being the mother of the Messiah. She
talks about the awesome things God has done, and how much He loves all of us.
I’m starting to realize that my fear
of not being good enough stems from what I’m focusing on – it’s not about
whether or not I’ve done the right things or avoided the wrong things to be
good enough for God to use me where I am and love me for who I am. It’s not
about what I’ve done to earn anything. It is about what God has already done for
all of us, and what I trust He will do so that I can live out His will for my
life. God knows we’re not perfect and that we’re not going to get everything
right, but he asks us to be a part of his story anyway. Mary looks back and
references God’s promises and actions from the past…so that’s what we can do,
too. We can go back and read scriptures like Ephesians 2:10 that says we are
God’s masterpiece to remind us that He made us and loves us. We can read
Colossians 3:12 that calls us God’s beloved, His dearly loved children. God is
telling us He loves us because He made us. The question is, will we trust Him
the way Mary did?
I’ll end today with another story
from my classroom, and I'll try not to cry like I have when I practiced. A few weeks ago, I was rattling off all the homework
assignments I wanted my kids in first hour to do before the next test. One of
my darlings asked, “What’s it gonna get us?” In my very typical and sassy way,
I told him, “My love and affection.” And in all seriousness, he looked at me
and said, “Don’t we already have that?” I stopped passing out the papers I was
holding and just smiled at him. “Yeah, kiddo,” I said. “You do.”
If my students, who I’ve only known
a few months and who I work with for less than an hour a day, know that I’m
going to love them whether or not they do their homework, if they know they
don’t have to earn my love…then why do I have to earn God’s love? Why do I have
to work so hard to be good enough to successfully live out the life He’s called
me to live? I don’t. Plain and simple. And even though I understand it here in my head, sometimes that’s hard to believe here in my heart…but it is getting easier
the more I talk about it here with our faith community. I can’t tell you to
just stop being afraid of not being good enough. It doesn’t fade away that
quickly. But what I can tell you is that today, I believe that God loves you
and that God loves me, right this very moment, just as we are. And just like
Mary, we can say yes right now to a life with Him, to whatever adventure He’s
calling us to. We don’t have to wait until we think we’re good enough – because
God loves us and wants to be with us right now, just the way we are.
Let’s pray.
Thank you,
Lord, for loving us so much that you remind us we don’t have to earn your love,
that a life with you isn’t something we work toward – it’s something we can say
yes to every single morning. Thank you for telling us that we are enough. Help
us believe it, and help us share that good news with others. In Christ’s name,
Amen.
Immense gratitude goes out to Rev. Justin Snider for the freedom to write this as well as the sermon and conversations that served as my springboard for it.