Be Not Afraid: The Fear of Not Being Good Enough

I was asked to preach a sermon on the fear of not being good enough, tying it to Mary's story in Luke. God showed up when I picked up my pen, and this is what we came up with. 

Good morning! Some of you have heard me preach before, and some of you have heard me say that when the pastors ask me to preach a sermon, it’s always on a topic that God knows I need to learn a whole lot about. Well, today’s sermon is called, “Be Not Afraid: The Fear of Not Being Good Enough.” And God knew full well that I needed to work on this all week as I wrote it and practiced in my kitchen…so I just want to start off saying we are in this together today, guys. So before we begin, will you pray with me?

            Good morning, Lord. Thank you for bringing us together this morning to learn about how you view us and who we really are because of you, and thank you for never giving up on helping us learn and grow. Open our hearts and minds to hear exactly what you what you are saying to us today. In Christ’s name, Amen.

            So, we all know that it’s common to hear that Americans are becoming more and more afraid. Despite millions of advances that can improve our lives and statistics that show that our country is actually getting safer, I don’t doubt at all that fear is on the rise. I can feel it. Some people blame this change on the bad news that we hear and see in the media; others blame the new ways social media messes with our brains and with our hearts. Whatever the reasons, though, lots of people say that our culture is becoming more and more afraid.  

            Researchers have asked Americans what they fear the most, and many of the top things are external events that could possibly happen: war, corruption, pollution, losing a loved one. All of these things could happen to someone. But when they asked about what people fear in themselves, people talked about their fear of the unknown, and of not measuring up, of being inadequate, of not being good enough.

            As a high school math teacher, I talk about this with my students all the time. We talk about it most in AP Calculus. In that class, I have students who tell me they worry about their grades so much that they stay up all night studying. They come to me, terrified of what will happen if they get that test back with a grade on it that will drop their grade in our class, which will then drop their GPA, which means they won’t be able to get into the college of their dreams, and then they will surely never get the best job that they find both fulfilling and financially stable – surely, their whole life will be ruined. All because they weren’t good enough that one day in AP Calculus. At that moment, it feels like everything hinges on that one test grade. And they just keep working harder and harder, trying to be good enough.

            But my high school students are not the only people who struggle with this, right? Not that long ago, I learned about an experience called “imposter syndrome.” It’s the feeling that deep down, we’re about to be exposed as a fraud, as someone who doesn’t really belong here because we’re not good enough. When I first heard about it, I was so surprised – there was a name for the feeling I’d had during my first year as department chair, when I thought no one believed I should be sitting in that seat during the meetings. There was a name for the feeling of fear that someone is going to realize I have no theological background and no formal public speaking training, but they still let me stand up here and talk to you. Because you see, I was a kid who thought my life would hinge on that one grade in school, and there are many days now when I’m an adult who worries that I’m not good enough.

            The more I talk about this topic with other people, though, the more I realize I am not alone. After I found out I’d be preaching this sermon, I told a lot of people about the title, and so many of them said, “Mmmhhhm. Send that one my way when you’re done.” There are highly successful people all around us, people who have achieved incredible things in life, who outwardly convey confidence and ease – and so many of these same people also carry within themselves crippling self-doubt and intense fear of not being good enough.

Not good enough to run the meeting we were in charge of.

Not good enough to get that job we really wanted.

Not good enough for the promotion we worked so hard for.

Not good enough for that relationship to last.

Not good enough for God to want us in His story.

Not good enough for God to love us.

Not really good enough at all.

            So, you may be thinking by now – Cindy, it’s Advent. Aren’t we supposed to be talking about Christmasy things? Baby Jesus and Bethlehem and shepherds and angels and Mary? Well, you are right – so today we’re going to look at Mary’s role in the Christmas story to learn how we might deal with this fear of not being good enough.   

            So before we go any further, let’s read the story. Our scripture comes from Luke 1:26-38. (NIV)

In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.” Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Mary asked the angel, “since I am a virgin?” The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Even Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age, and she who was said to be unable to conceive is in her sixth month. For no word from God will ever fail.”

            “I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.

We are going to pick up her story again in a minute, but I want to pause right now and point out a few things that might help us when we’re afraid that we’re not good enough. I’m going to be honest, though – this is a tricky lesson for us to tackle. We have no proof that Mary felt the fear of not being good enough. None. Nothing in that passage I just read said she felt that way. However – by the end of the scripture we’re reading today, we will see very clearly that she definitely was not struggling with feeling good enough. So I’m not going to talk about how Mary dealt with the fear of not being good enough…but I am going to focus on the parts of her story that can help us get to the same trust in God that she clearly displays throughout her story.

So, the first thing I want to point out is how the angel greeted Mary – right off the bat, he says, “The Lord is with you.” Gabriel doesn’t say he’s there because Mary met all of God’s requirements for being the mother of His son. He just says God is already with her – before she had even heard of this crazy idea of a baby, much less before she could agree to it. God doesn’t come to us with a checklist of requirements that we have to meet before He calls us His beloved. He was with Mary before He called her to this special adventure…and God is with us before we realize it or acknowledge it, too. So God tells us we don’t have to be afraid of being good enough for Him to love us or use us because He is with us before we can do anything to be good enough. 

Second, Mary’s reaction to the angel makes me feel like we can be honest with God when we’re feeling afraid. Like I mentioned earlier, we don’t know if Mary struggled specifically with the fear of being good enough, but we do read here that she was greatly troubled, so much so that the angel decided to tell her not to be afraid. And then she asked a question – specifically, she asked about the very mysterious biological component of it all. Sometimes we think we’re not good enough because we’re afraid, because we’re confused, because our doubts outweigh our faith, because we just can’t figure out how to believe that God is in all of this – but these are all very human reactions and emotions. And while God will help us grow and learn and have more faith and trust in Him the longer we walk with Him, He understands that we’re going to feel this way from time to time. Even Mary asked, “How will this be?” If she can ask that, we can bring questions and fears to God, too. They don’t disqualify us from receiving God’s love or from being a part of His story.

            But if we’re feeling that fear of not being good enough, how do we move past it? How do we let go of the fear of not being good enough for God to love us and use us in his story? Well, let’s look again at what Mary heard that helped her say yes and jump into that role God called her to be in. When Mary asked “How will this be…since I am a virgin?”, she was asking about her own role and responsibilities in all of this. Maybe she wanted to know what she had to do to make it happen. But the angel redirected her focus. He didn’t reply with anything about her. Instead, he answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you.” It wasn’t up to her to get the job done. It wasn’t up to her to be good enough to live out the role God called her to. It was up to the Holy Spirit to make all these impossible things happen – all Mary had to do was say yes. All she had to do was agree to go on this adventure with God to change the world…and God promised to take care of the rest.

And that’s what God calls us to do, too. He doesn’t look at us and ask if we’re good enough to live out the life He wants for us. He doesn’t ask if we’re good enough to earn His love or tell others about Him wherever we are. God does ask if we want to join him. And like Mary, we can say yes, regardless of whether or not we feel like we can do what He’s calling us to. We don’t know what all went through her mind and heart to help her say yes – but somehow, she decided to trust God’s promises and say yes to God even when she didn’t have many details about how it was all going to play out. It’s not like the angel was terribly specific about the whole plan, right? And we don’t get a lot of details, either. But God asks us to trust Him, trust that He is good and that He will be with us the entire time.

There’s one more part of Mary’s story that I want to look at today through the lens of this fear of not being good enough. So here’s the setup – after the angel left Mary, she went to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, and when she got there, she was so joyful about God’s plan for her life that she broke out into song. Here’s what she says in verses 46-55 (NIV):

And Mary said:

“My soul glorifies the Lord

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has been mindful

            of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed,

for the Mighty One has done great things for me—

              holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him,

             from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm;

            he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones

            but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things

            but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel,

            remembering to be merciful

to Abraham and his descendants forever,

            just as he promised our ancestors.”

Reading Mary’s song makes me think she’s no longer “greatly troubled” like she was when the angel first arrived, and she’s not even asking questions about the logistics of the plan anymore – instead, she’s focused solely on how awesome God is. She praises God “for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.” She says, “From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me.” That does not sound like a woman who’s worried that she’s not good enough. So what is she holding onto to believe that she can live out this incredible plan for God? Well, God. She’s holding onto God, not herself. She doesn’t talk about what she’s done to be ready for this role. She doesn’t talk about why she’s the best choice for being the mother of the Messiah. She talks about the awesome things God has done, and how much He loves all of us.

            I’m starting to realize that my fear of not being good enough stems from what I’m focusing on – it’s not about whether or not I’ve done the right things or avoided the wrong things to be good enough for God to use me where I am and love me for who I am. It’s not about what I’ve done to earn anything. It is about what God has already done for all of us, and what I trust He will do so that I can live out His will for my life. God knows we’re not perfect and that we’re not going to get everything right, but he asks us to be a part of his story anyway. Mary looks back and references God’s promises and actions from the past…so that’s what we can do, too. We can go back and read scriptures like Ephesians 2:10 that says we are God’s masterpiece to remind us that He made us and loves us. We can read Colossians 3:12 that calls us God’s beloved, His dearly loved children. God is telling us He loves us because He made us. The question is, will we trust Him the way Mary did?

            I’ll end today with another story from my classroom, and I'll try not to cry like I have when I practiced. A few weeks ago, I was rattling off all the homework assignments I wanted my kids in first hour to do before the next test. One of my darlings asked, “What’s it gonna get us?” In my very typical and sassy way, I told him, “My love and affection.” And in all seriousness, he looked at me and said, “Don’t we already have that?” I stopped passing out the papers I was holding and just smiled at him. “Yeah, kiddo,” I said. “You do.”

            If my students, who I’ve only known a few months and who I work with for less than an hour a day, know that I’m going to love them whether or not they do their homework, if they know they don’t have to earn my love…then why do I have to earn God’s love? Why do I have to work so hard to be good enough to successfully live out the life He’s called me to live? I don’t. Plain and simple. And even though I understand it here in my head, sometimes that’s hard to believe here in my heart…but it is getting easier the more I talk about it here with our faith community. I can’t tell you to just stop being afraid of not being good enough. It doesn’t fade away that quickly. But what I can tell you is that today, I believe that God loves you and that God loves me, right this very moment, just as we are. And just like Mary, we can say yes right now to a life with Him, to whatever adventure He’s calling us to. We don’t have to wait until we think we’re good enough – because God loves us and wants to be with us right now, just the way we are.

Let’s pray.

Thank you, Lord, for loving us so much that you remind us we don’t have to earn your love, that a life with you isn’t something we work toward – it’s something we can say yes to every single morning. Thank you for telling us that we are enough. Help us believe it, and help us share that good news with others. In Christ’s name, Amen.

Immense gratitude goes out to Rev. Justin Snider for the freedom to write this as well as the sermon and conversations that served as my springboard for it.